Month: March 2022

The shock when a you hear that a person has taken their own life. It stops you on your tracks and makes you wonder what they must have been feeling to take their own life. To think that you have no other options left but to take your life. What do they leave behind? The regret and guilt of people who wish they knew or could have done something to stop them. I work with clients suffering from bereavement because thy have lost someone close to them who died in this horrific way and at times they also feel anger but are ashamed or guilty to admit. They carry this with them and if they do decide to come to therapy they speak about their loss and grief.

The big question for them is Why? Why did their loved one did not confide in them and ‘I wish I knew’…..

What can you do to prevent someone or what someone can do if they are feeling suicidal?

If you feel that your friend or relative or co worker is not themselves or seem in a low mood take few minutes of your time to stop and ask how they are and listen to them.

if you are having suicidal thoughts and feel depressed find a therapist to speak to about what you are thinking and how you feel

Below are some tools that may help.

1. Set up a WhatsApp group with numbers of close friends and family you can message if suicidal thoughts come into your head.
Have an agreement with your family and friends that you are setting the group for this purpose alone. Have a code word and share with the group so they know

2. Keep the following numbers at hand to call

Samaritans they have trained counsellors who will speak to you and provide support on 116 123. Remember Samaritans are available 24/7

The suicide prevention line
0800 068 4141

SAVE THE ABOVE NUMBERS ON YOUR PHONE.

3. Keep Photos of your friends and family – it’s a reminder that you are loved and of happy times

4. Creativity – keep Colouring pens or pencils, colouring books, music or a journal to write down reasons why you are worth it

5. Music- create a playlist to listen to that will help uplift your mood

6. A gratitude list- add one thing to the list every day even if it’s the smallest thing

7. Personalise your kit and add things to it that mean something to you

8. Find a therapist to speak to. You can contact your local Mind or look through the Counselling Directory, the Suicide Prevention Line or Depression UK have list of therapists that can help.

MOST OF ALL REMEMBER YOU ARE WORTH IT!!

If you are some who has lost a loved one through suicide seek help through counselling or psychotherapy to come to terms with your grief.

My client spoke of sadness and how she is scared to express sadness because it will bring negativity into her life. Is sadness a negative emotion? I will argue that it’s not. Sadness is a natural part of our lives.
By expressing the sadness you let it go and allow space for the happiness to unfold.

Psychotherapy  provides a space for you to explore the uncertainties that life can bring
It helps you to ask yourself what lies behind the emotion and what it means? Life is full of moments of sadness, anger, guilt or shame and also about the moments of happiness and successes.

This poem of Rumi is very befitting of what I am trying to saying above,

‘This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes an an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat the guest honourably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.’

My clients always ask me what tips I can give them to manage their wellbeing

Here are some simple tools for the well-being of our mind, body and soul

1)
Exercise
What do I mean by exercise? I don’t mean running miles or HIIT regimes. It’s about what works for you. Recent research has shown how exercising can help with our mental well-being. It can help to lower depression and anxiety symptoms. The NHS recommends 150 hours per week of moderate aerobic exercise for people aged 19 years and above. Click here

Walking in nature is the thing for me. When I am outdoors amongst nature, I feel energised. My mind opens and my best ideas come to me when walking through the woods breathing in fresh air. Of course, there are days when I don’t feel like going out; I feel lazy and have to push myself out of the house. But once I am out there I never regret the time I have spent outdoors. Don’t take my word for it. try it for yourself.

Find what activity works for you. This can be anything from walking, cycling, swimming, running etc.

2)
Meditation, Breathing and Yoga
What does meditation do for you? Meditation is known to have healing powers. Research shows that meditation helps to relieve symptoms of depression, panic and anxiety.
Meditating helps us stop over attending to our thoughts and feelings and “allows us to get off the wheel, catch our breath, and get some perspective.”
“The goal is not to get to a place where your life is free of problems — that’s not possible but rather to develop the skill of accepting the existence of those problems without overvaluing them.” (https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-meditation-helps-anxiety/)

The idea is to find a quiet spot and sit cross legged or on your knees or you can lie down if you prefer. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. I find putting on some calm music helps me to reach a place of stillness. You can also repeat a word that brings you calm and stillness. A word usually used during meditation is ‘OM’. It’s very hard to reach a place where your mind is empty; thoughts will come and go. When I am meditating I respect that my thoughts are mine and let them float through me but remember to keep breathing. Meditation is something that needs to be repeated. It doesn’t have to be daily but the more you do it the more you will begin to learn to focus and reach that place of stillness and quiet. You don’t have to struggle and sit for hours trying to meditate and feel frustrated. Even two minutes in the day moving away from your desk at work or at home finding that quietness and just breathing can be meditating.

On breathing, I was told by both my yoga teacher and physiotherapist that we don’t breathe to our full capacity. Yoga teachers are trained in breathing techniques and help you to improve your breathing. There are also many Smartphone Apps that can teach different breathing techniques. I suggest looking them up and finding one that suits you. Even 2 minutes a day will leave you feeling lighter and refreshed. Click here for some breathing techniques

I discovered yoga 10 years ago. It was at a time I was suffering from health problems which made me anxious and worried. I had burnt myself out. I decided to try yoga and booked into a class with no idea what I was letting myself into. I’ve never looked back since. My suggestion is to try different types of yoga classes and teachers to find the one that suits you best.

3)
Diet
I am not a dietician but my diet plays a crucial part in my daily life. What I eat helps me stay alert, healthy, happy and calm. I am not a vegan but eat a balanced diet of all foods; yes, I eat meat and occasionally I enjoy cake.

4)
Sleep
I cannot stress enough the importance of a good night’s sleep. There are days when I will take a nap in the middle of the day if I am feeling tired and lethargic. Sleep is when your body goes into recovery mode. The cells in our body regenerate and refresh whilst we sleep which makes us feel younger and look younger. Who can argue with that?!

To sum up, ‘It’s ok to take a break’.

1. Look around you.

2. Find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste

This is called ‘GROUNDING’. It can help when you feel like you have lost all control of your surroundings.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical practitioner and the above are mere suggestions that we can apply in our daily life to be healthier mentally and physically. If you are suffering from a medical condition please speak to your GP before embarking on an exercise regime.