The Journey of Menopause and Relationships

Every Woman Has a Story.   Any woman you speak to will have a personal experience of menopause—when it began, how it unfolded, and what it felt like. These stories are as unique as the women themselves. A question I hear time and again is:  “Where do I go for help? How do I find out about menopause? There’s so much information—what do I believe, and what don’t I?”

The truth is, we all have a menopause story.  In my own experience, the first challenge was accepting that something within me was changing. My greatest fear was that something was seriously wrong. But in time, I let go of the anxiety and began to understand: I wasn’t broken. I was entering a natural stage of life. My knowledge of menopause was limited, so my first step was to arm myself with information. But that too proved difficult—misinformation, silence, and shame often surround the topic.

Menopause brings more than hormonal shifts. It transforms how we connect—with ourselves, with our partners, and with the world.

In this blog, I explore the evolving landscape of relationships during menopause, inviting reflection, understanding, and growth.  Whether you’re feeling disconnected, curious, or simply seeking a deeper understanding of your experience, this is a space for warmth, wisdom, and empowerment.

Menopause is not the end—it’s a transition. And how we invest in it is up to us.

Real Voices: Women on Menopause

Hearing others’ experiences can help normalise our own. Here are some anonymous quotes from women who shared their thoughts on menopause:

“Sometimes I feel as if there’s too much information going into too small a brain.” – Paula, 56
“I drove through red traffic lights once. I thought red meant ‘go’, which was dreadful because I know red means ‘stop’.” – Nora, 50
“Sometimes the menopause is a nuisance, but on the whole I quite like it. I feel like I’m being ‘rounded off.’ I just like the feeling of completing a whole area of my life. And then – well, who knows what I might do next?” – Benni,

Menopause and Relationships

Menopause doesn’t only change how we relate to ourselves—it reshapes how we interact with those around us. The people we love and work with—our partners, friends, and colleagues—are all impacted. They witness our transformation, and in many ways, they journey through it with us.  The process can be so profound that it causes us to rethink who we are and what we value. Often, our partners feel confusion and concern, watching someone they thought they knew begin to change.

As relationship therapist Esther Perel says:   “The quality of our lives is dependent on the quality of our relationships.”   

Understanding the Role of Relationships

We are social creatures. Human beings are the only mammals born entirely dependent on caregivers. And our need for connection doesn’t disappear as we age—it evolves.  If we imagine our life trajectory as non-linear and ever-changing, then relationships run alongside it. But so do other variables—aging, physical changes, trauma, grief. How we manage these elements influences both our personal growth and our connections with others.

What Is a Relationship?

A relationship is the process of relating—how we perceive and engage with others, and how they perceive and engage with us. It’s about the emotional meaning we attach to these interactions.   To better navigate relationships, we must first understand how they’re formed and what influences them.

Reflective Practice Workbook

To support your journey, I’ve created a free downloadable Reflective Workbook—a guided tool for deepening self-awareness and strengthening your relationships through menopause. If you would like me to email the booklet to you, please contact me through my contact sheet.

You’ll explore:

Your personal menopause story
Emotional patterns and triggers
Relationship shifts and communication changes
Attachment styles and how they shape your intimacy
Building support networks and setting personal goals

Use it as a private space to process, grow, and connect with your evolving self.

Attachment Theory: How Relationships Are Formed

Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby, offers a powerful lens for understanding how and why we connect.

As babies, we are hardwired to seek attachment from a caregiver—someone who is warm, nurturing, and responsive. Usually, this is a parent, but it could be anyone who consistently meets our needs.  These early experiences form a love template—a model that shapes all our future relationships. It influences how we connect with romantic partners, friends, colleagues, and even how we align with ideologies and communities.

Bowlby believed:   “We are born to connect, and as long as we live, we never stop needing connection.”   

Attachment Styles

As we grow, we develop internal expectations about how relationships should work. These are called attachment styles. They guide our emotional responses and behaviours in close relationships.

The Three Main Styles:

Secure:

Raised by emotionally reliable caregivers. These individuals are trusting, open, and capable of healthy intimacy.

Avoidant:

Raised with emotionally distant or unavailable caregivers. These individuals prefer independence, may avoid closeness, and rely on self-sufficiency.

Anxious:

Raised with inconsistent caregiving. These individuals crave intimacy, often fear abandonment, and may come across as emotionally intense or needy.

When Attachment Styles Collide

Avoidant Partners: Withdraw from conflict. They may seem cold or distant, often fearing that emotional closeness will result in rejection or harm.

Anxious Partners: Crave closeness and often react strongly to perceived detachment. Even small silences can feel like rejection.  Even those with secure attachment may display traits from other styles during times of stress or transition—like menopause.

Earning Secure Attachment  The good news is that secure attachment can be gained.  It forms through meaningful, affirming relationships with teachers, mentors, therapists, or friends. Personal insight, emotional safety, and deep connection with another human being can help us revise our relational patterns.  While our core style may remain familiar, we become better equipped to navigate challenges with understanding and self-awareness.

In Knowledge There Is Strength

Relationship expert John Gottman found that 67% of newlyweds experience a decline in marital satisfaction after their first child. However, couples who had a strong knowledge of each other’s inner world—what he calls “love maps”—were better able to handle stress and life transitions.

Gottman’s Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Here are Gottman’s principles that protect and strengthen relationships:

1. Enhance Your Love Maps – Know your partner’s world: their dreams, fears, daily joys, and struggles.

2. Nurture Fondness and Admiration – Focus on what you appreciate about your partner.

3. Turn Toward Instead of Away – Respond to your partner’s bids for attention, affection, and support.

4. Let Your Partner Influence You – Respect your partner’s opinions and decisions.

5. Solve Solvable Problems – Address issues with compromise and calm communication.

6. Overcome Gridlock – Work through recurring conflicts by understanding underlying dreams and values.

7. Create Shared Meaning – Build a life together that reflects shared goals, rituals, and purpose.

These principles encourage couples to grow together—even during difficult transitions like menopause.

Sex and Intimacy

Many women experience changes in libido or discomfort during sex in menopause. One common condition is Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause (GSM)—caused by a drop in estrogen, leading to vaginal dryness and pain.

But before menopause, ask yourself:  What was your relationship with sex like?

Were you able to talk openly about your desires?

Women are often not taught to express what they want sexually. Add hormonal confusion, physical changes, and emotional fatigue, and sex can start to feel like a burden rather than connection.

If you’re experiencing discomfort, speak to your GP. You can request a female doctor or ask if your practice has a menopause specialist.

The Power of Curiosity in Relationships

During menopause, emotional reactivity often rises—due to stress, poor sleep, and identity shifts.  Reactivity says: “I don’t feel safe.” It can look like blame, withdrawal, or defensiveness—and it often becomes a painful loop.

But one thing can shift the dynamic:

Curiosity.

Curiosity sounds like:

“What’s going on for you right now?”
“Can you help me understand how you’re feeling?”

It requires empathy, safety, and emotional regulation. And it creates a bridge back to connection. In couples work, I help partners move from reactivity to curiosity—slowing down, listening, and being vulnerable.

Is Menopause a Time to Reinvent Ourselves?

Yes.  This is a time for reflection and transformation.

Ask yourself:

What no longer serves me?
What do I want to feel more of in this stage of life?
What kind of relationships do I want to nurture?
Let go of relationships that diminish your worth.
Build new ones that align with your growth.

You are not alone. Your partner is important—but so is your tribe.  Build a community of women who uplift and understand you. Laugh, cry, share pleasure, and support each other.

Want to Talk?

f you’d like to talk about how I can support you and your partner through this phase, I offer a free 20-minute Zoom session. Just drop me an email—we can take it from there.

References

Carr.C.(1998). Menopause: The guide for Real Women. London: Hodder and Stoughten

GSM Info – Google Health

Gottman, J. (1994). Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. Bloomsbury Publishing.

Lovenheim, P. (2018). The Attachment Effect. Penguin Random House.

Wallin, D. J. (2007). Attachment in Psychotherapy. Guilford Press.